Damn bitches,

it's been a hella long time since i wrote in this shit. I don't know what to say is new expect i'm not taking shit from anyone anymore. I'm more blunt and more loud then ever was. If you have a problem with me please discuss it to my face..... BFF Rei rei what's up with the attitude i was just expressing my opinion... the  Tribunal what's up i can't have my own opinion, vote me off the damn island i don't care... lol... muahahahhahaha... this is pretty funny guys that we're all aruging about stupid shit, but seriously you know i'm an emotional person and you know how to push my butttons, so why continue your pissing me off.... eehhh i love you bitches anyways... fuckin' A

 and yes i am a little bit deps and bitter right now...... SCHOOL SUCKS, HOMEWORK SUCKS, INTERNATIONAL FINANCIAL MARKETS SUCKS, GRRRRRRRRRRR

BUT on the bright note i had this most interesting conversation with a faculty advisor about the ramifacations of catholicism as an organized religion and how the message is be sent murky

Before today I was having quite a good two weeks. I mean I came to the realization that my dog died and I was finally starting the healing process. I was really in a good mood for about two weeks.Two fridays ago I was walking to the Book store and I found 15 dollars, really 15 dollars. I was shocked I looked around and saw no one behind me or infront of me, so I got 15 dollars and i was so happy.... Its like the the feeling when your on the hill from the sound of Music and your going around circles. I felt on an incredible high, to add to that high I wrote this list of things I had to accomplish within a week and I completed each of the task,expect one thing but that's okay. I can fill out FASA later and CHP scholarshp i have to do that too. I took my midterms for Econometrics and Marketing and I got an A in Marketing and a C in the econ. I did some stupid shit on the test and forgot to check my answers, damn negatives they fuck you up you know. Well that was last week I think. oh ya on sunday i was walking to the bus stop and i saw on the floor 20 dollars. I was like hell no, finding money money twice in a row. I was seriously estatic. I mean 20 dollars, it doesn't matter that I spent it on burritos, but I still found money and that was kewl

Oh on friday REi Rei, Raf, Mike, And Me ate at KFC. Fuck I ate hella much that week. Buffalo wings, fired chicken, biscutts, ketchup ( you got to have the ketchup). Ya after that we went to Safeway and played the Claw thingy, I wanted to win the Hippio, but i guess by then my luck ran out. I couldn't even win some stupid cake at the cake walk, you see i was standing on the #15 the first time and they didn't call my # and i was thinking to myself, I should stand on that # again. Serious to god I thought i heard the #15 called out even before she said it, that is in my mind. I don't know i was being stupid and decided to stand on 5 insttead and what's worst is i told some other guy to stand on 15 and that bitch won. Well its okay i mean i shouldn't even be eating cake, but it would have been fun eatting that cake.

At Night Carylon, D, Eric, and I went to some party in the Bonnies. I mean this place was so fucking far, 8 miles and shit. When we finally got there, they said we had to pay for beer and I was like two dollars for beer =(, its okay though I got beer anyways. I was having fun because i was showing off my dance moves, i didn't even know i could dance still. This girl was like your a good dancer and i was like thanks, but she wouldn't dance with me =(. Its okay though, she wasn't that good looking LOL. I danced with Carolyn though, she was like I don't wantta cuz you dance so good, but i think she was just shy. Eric and D were just talking with each other and they were getting pretty bored so we decided to go to Crane's place and play games.

Man, D can get on my last nerves. I mean I love the guy, but him being a fuckin' Republican and shit was pissing me off. We were arguing about how stupid Bush is and he wouldn't let me finish my rebuttal. And when i interrupted him to correct some of the "flase" statements he was saying, tehy said i was interrputing. Man, I like to argue, but D and his little hench man Eric were fucking declaring themselves winners even though the arugement wasn't over. Ehh its kewl I mean I know i'm rite, but i don't want to drag a big ass fight out of something like an arugement.bUT I do plan to write an essay about how wrong Dereck is, when I have the time.

Writing seems very theraputic I feeling a little bit better. Just to let you all know my auntie mechu died  yesterday. She was like a second mom to me, I mean she always told me that she wanted to adopt me and she would take care of me. She took good care of me and my brothers and i will miss her greatly. Youknow when someone dies you fel like the world has turn its back on you and everyone is laughing at you because your suffering, well i'm in that kind of mood. I mean i went to econ 113 and i wasn't feeling a very friendly atmospphere, I mean i already don't like people in that class, but just today it felt like everyone in that class was laughing at my pain. I know it sounds stupid, but i just feel alone. Its like god is taking away everyone I love one by one. First it was my best friend Tiger and now my second "mom". I am depressed and I do feel alone, but ya i knw my family will be there for me. but there's that emptiness, you?????? I feel so lost and empty. I dont feel like doing anything anymore, even though i have hella hw to do..... Man i just feel like shit......

Today was a wired, but good day. I woke up with red dots all over my body and quickly got on the next bus to the health center. I got a few bug bites earlier this week and it resulted in me getting hives.Hives suck, they make you want to crawl out of your skin. I was scratching like a maniac...

After the health scare, I went to this retreat for my dialogues class. Its funny how this class works, if makes you exam yourself and the lives of others. There are many things i don't seem to understand about myself and this class is helping me in a way. I feel good about this class, but at the same time i have a lot of concerns, dealing with faculiting my own class and as well as getting to understand and know myself better. Those of you who don't know me that well, might think i'm just a funny guy with no depth, but let me tell you... naw what i'm trying to get at is that there are things i'm finding out about myself and i'm going through a growing process. This process has in a way been a very lonely experience and that's why i seem so distant lately, i don't want to involve those close to me, because i'm not sure if i understand this process myself. It sucks being a lone, but it is a reality i seem ihave come to understand and embrace. I have become more aware of the things i feel and believe and am no longer restricted to the confines of others.

The one thing i do wish i had was my best friend back, but he recently died. You know when people talk about never appreicating the things you have until their gone, well that's happening to me rite now. I know alot of people might seem to think i'm over anazyling the death of an animal, but i felt a close bond to my dog. This bond has been stronger then any of the bonds i've created in the past four years of my life. I literally feel closer to my dog, then alot of the people here in UCSC. I loved him and i guess i feel very guilty that i don't think i expressed it to him enough and that hurts me. I wish i had my dog back, I miss my dog so much and the sad thing is that i have no one to confind in anymore. I miss my dog.

My dog died on monday and i wasn't there. I feel guilty, but i'll live.

Happy new year,

man i don't keep up with my logs like i should. I'm finally back in santa cruz and as usually i'm bored, but i'm not gonna go out because its so damn cold. Tiger's not doing so well, he's moon faced and my parents are thinking about putting him to sleep soon. Damn, its pretty sad and i don't know how i'm gonna feel when he's gone.On a brighter note i'm setting goals for myself and trying to stick with them.man its boring being on xanga when nothing going on.hmmmmmmm... I didn't really do anything over winter break, i was supposed to get a job, but that fell through and i ended up staying home doing nothing.